Sitting with a bucket of ice-cream with tears streaming down your face while watching ‘Jab We Met’ after your nth date realizing that your ex is the one for you can make you miserable. You keep questioning yourself and answer yourself.
You know that your ex has a lot of flaws but you keep reminding yourself that he was good enough for you. At this point, you probably want to pick your phone and text him to start a conversation but at the same time, you want to label it as a drunk text. Somewhere, deep inside you know getting back with your ex is better than going to scores of Tinder dates. Your friends would say that there is no going back but your heart would say that he should not the one who got away.
Breaking up is painful but it a journey that teaches you a lot of lessons for life. It makes you realize your own mistakes, your mate’s mistakes, it makes you understand why things didn’t work out, what was lacking, if things are broken beyond repair, and above everything it makes you realize if these reasons are enough to destroy your story and worth giving up on your ex.
If you are here, then you probably apprehended that these reasons aren’t enough to leave your ex or to walk away. Here are 8 best proven ways to get back with your ex. No one can guarantee you that using these would 100 percent help you reconcile but they can certainly help you in mending your heart again.
1. INTROSPECT AND FIND OUT
There are always two sides to a break-up. Either you call it a quit or your partner does. It hurts a bit more when your companion breaks up with you. If you had quit, then you need to understand why you did what you did. You need to find out if that decision was hasty or if the relationship was not living up to your expectations. You need to understand if there were issues like communication, lack of trust, jealousy, or possessiveness, etc.
Based on this understand assess your emotions. Break-ups can leave us hurt and confused. We start feeling emotions like guilt, loneliness, pessimism, etc. You need to evaluate the reason why do we want to get back with your ex again.
If your companion called it a quit then you need to find out if he/she still cares about you. There are chances that your mate still has a soft spot for you deep inside his/her heart. This spot works in your favor as it can help you make your space again. If your partner has no feelings for you whatsoever, then whatever efforts you make will not get you the desired result. You can make someone fall in love with you but you can never compel someone to fall in love with you. Better have your heart broke at this stage itself than working so hard only to reach a dead-end.
2. GIVE SPACE
“I need space.” is one of the most cliche lines we hear after a break-up. It infuriates us and we want to do nothing but reach out to our ex. Giving your ex some time and space is absolutely essential but difficult at the same time. Just how you need time to reflect and digest what happened, your ex also needs their space to understand where what went wrong.
Constant calling and texting at a point when they clearly want some space from you can be irritating for them. This can aggravate the intensity of the situation and take things to a negative end.
Giving them space is also important because, during this period, they can actually miss you and reflect better on the reasons for getting back with you. Think about it, why would they miss a person who never left them, to begin with? This space helps them reflect on the good times and the bad ones. Your drunk text at midnight can be a risky step. Better be safe than sorry.
If you constantly call or text your ex it might give the message that you are desperate and miserable without them. Your instincts might ask you to reach out to them or that you might lose them forever. If you follow this instinct, there are possibilities that it might come out as unattractive.
3. DO NOT TEXT!!!!!!
At midnight after half a bottle of wine with a couple of drunk texts, the next morning reading them will make you bang your head against the wall. As mentioned earlier, breakup makes us feel various emotions. Some being guilty and pity. Drunk texts can be pity texts with you begging your ex to accept you again. DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE.
If your ex reaches out to you after this disaster but wants you to do what he/she wants you to do then be firm and say no. Firstly, conditional love is no true love. Secondly, you might get emotional and do what they asked you to do but remember catering to your partner’s need can make you look unattractive and needy. When you do something like this, you allow your companion to have the power to walk all over you. KEEP YOUR DIGNITY. A manipulative partner is the last thing you want. Even if you get him/her back, it won’t last for long as it’s foundation would be on your compromise.
4. STOP BEING SALTY ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Anger and frustration are common after a breakup. One way to vent out this stored anger is through being salty on social media. Badmouthing can give temporary satisfaction but can cause permanent damage.
At this point, you want to catch your companion’s attention, but getting attention by being negative, rude, and insensitive is shallow and will make you less appealing to your ex. Seeing the amount of negativity and hate there are chances that your ex unfollows you. They would want to stay away from you.
If your instincts or friends tell that showing anger publically would make your ex come back and calm you down, then I’m sorry to say this, it rarely happens. If your ex is serious about the breakup, this behavior will tell them that breaking up with you is the right decision. Anger, bad fight, and frequent arguments are some reasons for a split. Aggressive behavior assures them that you do not understand them.
5. BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF
In your time apart, you need to reflect upon your fallen relationship, but most importantly you need to reflect on yourself. Feeling insecure is common. Go out, work hard, and make a 2.0 version of yourself. This version should be attractive inside out and should be irresistible. This version should make your companion regret their decision.
Bring out your positive side not only for your ex but for yourself. Invest your time in going out more, meeting people, making new friends. Find new hobbies, find happiness and solace in yourself. Face your ex with new confidence and physical appearance. Focus on getting your individuality back before your ex.
Give yourself some time to grieve, write a journal, meditate, get a haircut, go shopping, etc. Bring some positive changes in your life. Such as working on your dominating nature, jealousy, insecurities, low self-esteem, personal hygiene, communication, ability to trust, and social skills, etc.
During this period figure out the pros and cons of the relationship. Love is a very strong feeling and you might be willing to compromise on a few things. However, it is important for you to know that this relationship should not change who you are.
6. SET UP A MEETING
After bringing positive changes in your life, you are now probably happier, more confident, and an attractive person. Now it is time for you to contact your ex again. Contact them via text or a call. To make things look more personal and romantic, you can send a bouquet with a letter requesting your partner to meet. If not bouquet, then chocolate would work.
Accept the fact that you both have broken up. Meet your ex as a friend and then subtly slide into your ex’s DMs. Don’t send texts that show you as needy or desperate. Be more subtle like, ‘Hey! I just saw a romantic movie it reminded me of us.’ Be cool. Don’t treat this as a competition that you have to win. Go slow and take things easy.
While meeting your ex, be prepared for heartbreak. Respect each other’s boundaries and address the main issue. Address what you introspected in the time apart. Show them how you have changed for good. Be confident but don’t show them that you are nothing without them. Remember, your partner does not define who you are.
Now that you have invited your ex to discuss your relationship make sure that your ex is worth your time. As mentioned, be subtle is what you are doing. One of the greatest weapons that you have to get back with your ex is memories. Take advantage of your shared past. If there was a certain outfit that your ex liked, then wear that or do your hair the way your ex loved it. Wear their favorite perfume. Wear anything that was a significant part of your relationship that sends out the message that you miss your ex and are willing to try again.
Pick your words wisely and talk about all the good times. Talk to them about what you did in your time apart. Later on, take the conversation as to why you want to get together. Remember, before meeting your ex do your homework on why things fell apart and why do you need this person back in your life. Address old issues, and try to develop trust during the chat. Be forgiving and don’t let your ego come in between.
Let the conversation take place naturally. At the same remember, to be respectful and flirty at the same time. Build up sexual chemistry but don’t give in. In most cases, your ex will be attracted to you after seeing the positive changes and you being respectful of their boundaries.
8. BUILD A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP
If you have decided to give your relationship another go, then try to maintain it. Over the period, you have understood and accessed the reasons for the fallout. Before going back to it, take out a moment to understand if you want to get back with your ex, or do you merely feel lonely. There can be multiple reasons for a breakup like lack of trust, failing conversations, cheating, toxic nature, lying, and misdirected rage, etc. Identify the areas that you can work on mutually. Remember what caused the breakup and avoid making the same mistakes or else you will keep going in circles. Treat this relationship as a new one. If possible, then consider counseling. Remind yourself and your partner why you both need each other.
Olaf, the snowman from Frozen, said ‘there are some people worth melting for.’ Make an assessment if your ex is worth all the efforts or would it be better if you just let go. These steps will help you in introspecting. If you love somebody so deeply, you will do everything to get them. At the same time, remember, you cannot compel someone to be with you. Give respect and take respect. In the end, it is you who can make yourself happy and no one else.